I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
