Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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