i don't like sucking hair
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
