im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
