Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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