WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
honey bunches of taint.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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