So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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