We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
