apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
