First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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