watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So much rum. So many feels.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
