Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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