so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
