idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How naked do you want me to be?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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