i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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