Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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