Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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