i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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