i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
