he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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