You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
