how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
