Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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