people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
