he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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