She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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