i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
