We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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