I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
