Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
