grandma shit on top of the toilet
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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