I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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