He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
