so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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