dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
