Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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