its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
