OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
