I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
