margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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