i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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