Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
