I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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