Hey man sorry I got all grabby
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
