I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
