I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize