I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
