My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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