my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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