her vagine was all disorganized.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
