FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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