First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
