Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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