# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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